In case you couldn’t get enough of my Metroid: Other M video review, or I was talking way too fast for your poor human ears, there’s a slightly remixed version of the transcript available over at Ciao.

It’s pretty much what you’d hear in the video, but it does contain some different takes and brand new comments, such as:

Some further comments:

• Writing the text review after the script is much weirder than the other way around.
• Despite having about six thousand words between them, I still didn’t manage to talk about how Other M actually raised my opinion of the Prime Trilogy and even Metal Gear Solid 4! I find that Other M and MGS4 fail for a lot of the same reasons, but even Hideo Kojima knew enough about story structure to resolve his plot-lines, albeit haphazardly, and get the hero to confront the villains, even if the showdowns sometimes were anticlimactic. And, he even makes most of his cutscenes skippable!
• Rewatching the video always cracks me up, if only because I find my efforts to talk slowly as hilarious as they are ineffective.

Metroid switches development houses once again, as Team Ninja tries to provide some insight on Samus’ past and we wonder if they could have failed more epically.

Featuring monologues, monotones and many destruction sequences.

I really need to work on my ridiculously slow editing speed, not only because I’d like to get my opinions out to you guys faster, but also because I force myself into a media blackout until I get the review done. This, in turn, is bad, not only because I do enjoy my Zero Punctuations but also because I end up feeling guilty anyway if I make the same joke as someone else. And, it turns out, Yahtzee opens up with the same crack as I. Sorry!

Of course, by the time I get to that opening joke, Yahtzee’s review is already over, so maybe I also need to work on making these videos shorter?

Nah, I know you guys come here for the most impossibly detailed reviews this side of Alpha Centauri.

Speaking of games with Sid Meier‘s name in them, will I get to Civilization 5 before November? Time will tell!

It’s been a long time coming, but the video version is finally up: Join the JRT Show as I critique one of the holiday season’s heaviest hitters, Nintendo‘s return to its oldest franchise, New Super Mario Bros. Wii for the Nintendo Wii! Featuring dragons, mushrooms and pillow-fights.

This episode has been at 95% since early December, so there exist a couple of dated comments, but NSMB Wii is still going strong in the charts; I figure the review can still be helpful. The sound should be clearer than usual, but there are a couple of instances near the end where it fluctuates out of its own volition. You’d think it’d be easy to fix, but it only appears at the final encode and not while editing, so I suspect metaphysical shenanigans. Probably one of those damn Boos.

Next review will be of a much fresher release and it will be up… soon!

One of the hottest titles this holiday season and the biggest Shigeru Miyamoto release in a long while, I take a look at Nintendo‘s New Super Mario Bros. Wii for the Nintendo Wii.

As the seminal (PC) gaming connoisseurs over at RPS might put it, my analysis starts a bit like:

It’s hard to believe it’s been more than three years since my review of the DS version. I think that my writing style has changed a bit, but I have an innate aversion to looking at my older pieces for too long, so I can’t say for sure.

Season One of JRT springs to life, as we revisit the timeless free-running lifestyle of vigilantes through a thorough review of Assassin’s Creed II. Featuring vengeance, flashbacks and atrocious accents.

Most of my reviews will probably be considerably shorter, but I like to be as informative as possible and keep even the casual gamer in the loop. For a high-profile sequel such as Assassin’s Creed II, that means quickly going over the original, the special editions and the downloadable content, so the run-time piles up.

Still, some bits are edited out, believe it or not. For example, I really wanted to debate whether “Assassins” is an accurate name for our hero’s group. They are vigilantes, sure, they take the law into their own hands, but assassins?

When I think of an assassin, pop culture makes me picture someone you’d hire to sneakily & efficiently terminate an enemy.

In Assassin’s Creed the self-proclaimed Assassins usually kill out of their own volition, to protect their beliefs, and they go about it using the most extravagant methods possible. There is no poisoned food or drinks, there are no “accidents” or staged suicides.

You might argue that you can play it very sneaky if you want, but the gameplay clearly regards complete stealth as a secondary matter. Besides, even in the short movie, Assassin’s Creed: Lineage, Giovanni reveals himself early in order to have time to make his little speech first. The bad guys of the AC universe actually prove much more assassin-like in their ways.

Now, I’m fine with fiction breaking stereotypes, but I’d like some acknowledgment that the writers do realize that if an average person met an assassin, they wouldn’t curiously look at their ring finger and assume they’re looking for Templars to kill.

That would be like having something as strikingly unconventional as vampires that sparkle in the sunlight or werewolves that are unaffected by the moon, yet every supposedly normal person in your universe acts all nonchalant about it. That would drive me crazy.

Break-time is over and we return to reviews of considerable proportions, only fit for Ciao!, with my take on Assassin’s Creed II. If three thousand words feel a bit too much for you, and I can’t possibly blame you, show a little more patience and wait for the video version, already in the editing room!

Even though I did like the original and had high hopes for this one, Ubisoft still managed to surprise me positively with Assassin’s Creed II. More insight when the video review goes live, hopefully by the end of the week!

Starting off the year with a game that kept a low profile at the time but went on to start a blockbuster series: Assassin’s Creed for the X360, PS3 and, later, the PC.

Assassin’s Creed was a very divisive game that you could love as easily as you could hate and it was apparent which way the experience would go for you within the first hour of gameplay. I belonged to the former group and quite liked it… even though I vividly remember the ending making me furious.

Between celebrating Christmas and getting my alchohol tolerance up for New Year’s, I review the first PS3 exclusive that isn’t best used as a coaster, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune.

On paper, Uncharted should easily be one of my all-time favourite games: from the setting and the premise to the protagonists and their motivations, it features most of the things I’d ask for but the execution just leaves me underwhelmed.

It didn’t quite cut it. Thankfully, Naughty Dog seem to be sticking to the same formula for the sequels, so I just might get the Carl Barks/Don Rosa McDuck-esque interactive adventure I’ve always been wishing for by Uncharted 3.

Another blockbuster review I could only do at Ciao! and I add further fuel to the “Nintendo Fanboy” fire, by reviewing, and loving, Super Mario Galaxy for the Nintendo Wii.

The argument is that while I’m usually all about the story and the creativity, I’ve panned many games that lacked in those departments, I seem to be handing out free passes when it comes to Mario games. After all, you can’t get more clichéd than “Save the Princess” and the platforming mechanics have been the same since day one, right?

Well, the way I see it, the real story with Mario is the surreality that inescapably envelopes you as you are playing his games. Nintendo is careful not to break the formula, but they almost always surpass the absurdity of the previous instalment, be it with Bee and Boo suits, or with Mini ‘Shrooms, Brown Leaves and other power-ups with questionable illegal connotations. The result is absurdly fun games.

Of course, sometimes Nintendo does release a Mario game that feels played out, or relatively common and I have no qualms about panning it. But, even though most games from 2007 will be old hat by that time, I’ll certainly be playing Super Mario Galaxy with my nephew in a few years: it’s that good.

My summer break continues, allowing me to take a gander at yet another cherished franchise and review the Wii remake of the final installment of the Sands of Time trilogy of Prince of Persia. Of course.

The original Prince of Persia is one of the first games I vividly remember playing, way back, in the years of the Amiga. The platforming action, the sword-fighting, the seminal tale of saving the princess in the last minute, these were all great elements, but it was the smooth animation that made it unforgettable. It really was something else.

Incredibly, the series went on to revolutionize platforming yet again, when most people had written it off, with Sands of Time and its “Time Rewind” feature. The latest, “next-gen”, Prince of Persia played it a bit safe but I have a feeling that the series will someday present us with more genre-defining features that will make us wonder how we ever played games without ‘em.