Most of my reviews will probably be considerably shorter, but I like to be as informative as possible and keep even the casual gamer in the loop. For a high-profile sequel such as Assassin’s Creed II, that means quickly going over the original, the special editions and the downloadable content, so the run-time piles up.

Still, some bits are edited out, believe it or not. For example, I really wanted to debate whether “Assassins” is an accurate name for our hero’s group. They are vigilantes, sure, they take the law into their own hands, but assassins?

When I think of an assassin, pop culture makes me picture someone you’d hire to sneakily & efficiently terminate an enemy.

In Assassin’s Creed the self-proclaimed Assassins usually kill out of their own volition, to protect their beliefs, and they go about it using the most extravagant methods possible. There is no poisoned food or drinks, there are no “accidents” or staged suicides.

You might argue that you can play it very sneaky if you want, but the gameplay clearly regards complete stealth as a secondary matter. Besides, even in the short movie, Assassin’s Creed: Lineage, Giovanni reveals himself early in order to have time to make his little speech first. The bad guys of the AC universe actually prove much more assassin-like in their ways.

Now, I’m fine with fiction breaking stereotypes, but I’d like some acknowledgment that the writers do realize that if an average person met an assassin, they wouldn’t curiously look at their ring finger and assume they’re looking for Templars to kill.

That would be like having something as strikingly unconventional as vampires that sparkle in the sunlight or werewolves that are unaffected by the moon, yet every supposedly normal person in your universe acts all nonchalant about it. That would drive me crazy.

Even though I did like the original and had high hopes for this one, Ubisoft still managed to surprise me positively with Assassin’s Creed II. More insight when the video review goes live, hopefully by the end of the week!

Monkey Island SE was stealth-released amongst the flutter of countless monocles and spillage of gallons of tea by surprised gentlemen everywhere. I thought I could resist its siren call and focus on a concurrent title but, come release day, I knew I just had to play and review it properly. Whether it matched my expectations or tarnished cherished memories, it would definitely make for a good show. So, the other review I was working on was put on hold and I barely didn’t make posting this before leaving for holiday again.

But it’s a great way to start September!

This is my first “straight-to-video” review: the script was written solely for a video version, as approaching this from both the perspective of someone who has played the original and of someone who had not, wouldn’t work as well on paper. It also contains a few spoilers, but I believe you can only pick them out if you already know what’s going on.

I always have fun with the Fable games, if only because of the irony that even though they feature fantastic realms, grotesque monsters and larger-than-life heroes & villains, I always think of them as the most generic stories ever. In a word-association psychology test, I’d always answer “fable” to “fantasy” and vice versa.

Anyway, allow me to disclose my open letter to developer Lionhead‘s spearhead, Peter Molyneux.

I’m still waiting on that, but, even with the “bug”, Fable 2 was pretty enjoyable.

Assassin’s Creed was a very divisive game that you could love as easily as you could hate and it was apparent which way the experience would go for you within the first hour of gameplay. I belonged to the former group and quite liked it… even though I vividly remember the ending making me furious.

In unrelated news, if you receive a complimentary review copy of a game and want that to keep happening, make sure to only write glowing reviews. Unless, of course, you care about things like integrity.

Anyway, back on topic, as this review predicted, the PC version came soon after and was indeed superior and worthy of purchase, even though it did stir up a lot of controversy with its overwhelming piracy protection measures. Overall, Mass Effect is poised to be a memorable trilogy, so long as the follow-ups show a bit more care and attention to detail than the original.

Personally, I always liked the classic, side-scrolling, “Metroidvania”-styled games more than Retro Studios‘ FPS-esque take, but there is no denying that all three Primes were excellent games that made the most of the technology available to them: And there’s nothing truer to the spirit of the series than that.

Except maybe the endless exploration and the massive battles against gigantic bosses, but, wouldn’t you know it, they had those too! So, the question is, exactly how much did I like Corruption?

Traditionally, I reserve “perfect” ratings for games that can be enjoyed universally and absolutely. In a “precise rating” system, I saw Twilight Princess as either a 9.0 or a 9.5, so I really was debating whether I should give it a perfect five out of five for Ciao. It’s a game that you need to be a gamer to appreciate, not something you can pick-up and have fun without making a little; unlike New Super Mario Bros. or Pro Evolution Soccer 6.

But it was so brilliant once you get into it, in the end I figured it was worth the fiver. A bit like KotOR or Oblivion, only those games are still rated a little higher in my mind.

Anyway, this was my last review to appear on Ciao! for a while, as I was recruited to write for a dedicated gaming site. I had to review games of a much lower profile than Twilight Princess and I had to be much more concise and humourless, but getting paid a couple of cents per word instead of a couple of cents per review did make me feel more professional.

This was my first ever review for Ciao! and I really am amazed at its length. Clocking in at under a thousand words, this could make it to print… if it was written a bit better. Of course, some people prefer this much shorter and personal recounting of my experience with the game to my current reviews, but my OCD really dislikes it and I only reluctantly regress to this style when pitching for a print review.

My writing style sure has changed over the years but I always find a few signature lines that really scream “Johnny”, even in the oldest reviews. It’s fun, but this is as far back as we are going to get. Older reviews are too painful for me to even read, let alone post.

By the way, me from 2006 would probably condense all this text to: “My legendary review of Kameo is the first ever to hit the excellent Ciao! and is worthy of your attention.”